making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
