Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize