is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize