the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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