haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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