They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
