Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
