New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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