I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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