I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
