Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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