I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
