Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
