No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
