my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
