I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
