True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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