I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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