he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
