we have officially lost it.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
