Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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