I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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