Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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