I showed him my bush... on skype.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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