my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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