I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
