You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
