It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
