I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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