I hate your face
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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