I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
