Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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