and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
