So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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