We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
