Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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