So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
my poor anus
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize