He had one of those small greek statue penises
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
