I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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