I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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