He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
