I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
