You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Randomize
