They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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