Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
