her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
