i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
