I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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