OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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