Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
