If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
