Ambien. No doubt about it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
