We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
