there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
