How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
