you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
