I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
