I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
