he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
