sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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