i just google imaged poop.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
