Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
