oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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