No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
