Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
No subtext here. People are naked.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize